I Cut Across the Lawn to the Other Side

 

Initially, I didn’t have high expectations of the convention. I anticipated the beach, yes. I anticipated the warm, sunny California weather, yes. I anticipated getting away from my parents and meeting new people, yes. Most of all, I anticipated seeing my boyfriend who lives in Los Angeles. Nowhere in my agenda was there space for “Changing my life”. However, never did I imagine that I would come home on a different path of life. I remember what Anh Loc said after the Sending-Forth mass. He challenged us to recognize that God had called all of us to come together and meditate on something unsettling in each of our unique lives and to be proactive in steering our course of being. For a few people, what they would take away from the convention would be support for their struggles. Perhaps it would be like a gas-stop for continuing on the bumpy road they have been traveling in God’s will. For most, they would have to make a complete U-Turn in their lives with hopefully as little damage as possible in the process. He challenged us to come home changed. I thought, just many others were probably thinking as Anh Loc was speaking, that the concept was beautiful and idealistic, but with a group of hyperactive teenagers who were ready to “just have fun”,  it would be difficult to reach for many. However, God works in wonderful and mysterious ways.
So I arrived in front of the pyramid at 2:30, bags in hand, bewildered. All of the sudden, a large crowd of teenagers poured out of the doors. I was upset at something my mom had said to me earlier and so I was determined that the whole convention was ruined. I simply followed my little sister around unaware of my surroundings and pummeled deep into my own anger. My sister mumbled something about workshops. I wasn’t paying attention and found myself in a packed room with rowdy teenagers.  I didn’t realize why everyone was so excited with all the cheering and clapping until the powerpoint popped up and I saw what workshop I was in: How To Find Mr./Mrs. Right.
The irony of Cha Thong in the position of a priest and his personality/life experiences was what caught my attention. He amazed me beyond words can describe. I felt the very presence of the Holy Spirit in that room regardless of Cha Thong’s sometimes bawdy but hilariously honest sense of humor. He is a wonderful and holy man and much deeper than his jokes would reveal. I was having issues with my boyfriend who I really struggled with for the past nine months. I felt that being with him put me in a position that compromised my value system to an extreme and I put him in the center of my life instead of God. That was wrong of me and the Holy Spirit taught me that quickly. I continued with the second part of his the workshop and learned what the foundation of love and marriage between a man and woman is. It was exactly what I needed to know at the moment. It was what I had been praying to God about and he answered through Cha Thong in such a wonderful, digested, and relatable way.
The Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament was probably the most impacting and bull-dozing moment for me. I thought that it was awesome that before Adoration, there was the concert where we sang and danced because the act of singing and dancing to songs about Jesus Christ is a vulnerable moment for everyone. You openly profess your love for Him through doing so. It was well-fitting though I think that many old-fashioned Vietnamese parents would not approved of it. Once we got down on our knees, every one of us, all united in heart, mind, soul and body, I felt the powerful presence of Jesus with us like I never had. He was really there with us and it was the first time that I truly believed that wherever there is two or more people gathered together with the same intentions, Jesus is there as well. When the MC spoke about handing over our addictions to sex, drugs, and alcohol to the altar, I broke down in tears and could not stop crying. In the last three years I have struggled with all of those addictions. A felt a great pang of emotions overwhelming me, guilt, frustration, sadness, but most of all joy because I was with Jesus and He loves me regardless of what I have done. I realized that He is my true lover because though we cannot feel each other physically, though I am not worthy of Him, and though I hurt and betray Him, He loves me in each moment I run back to Him. It really hit me.
 I think that the most  peaceful and memorable event was the Taize. We all gathered around with our tiny tealight candles in a meditative state as we prayed the Chaplet together. The warmth from the little flame kept me warm from the cold weather. I imagined that this was like the life of Jesus in me. Fire can do so much for us if we protect it from going out and it is so fragile. It gives us light, it gives us warmth and without both of these, we would not live. For a long, long time, I had put off going to Confession because it was just too much for me to admit to myself, to a priest, and to God. I have done a lot of terrible, damaging sins. I was just too afraid of confessing to a priest at my parish that I had delayed Confession for almost a year. But during the Taize, I saw priest out in the open field and I asked Jesus to hold my hand and to give me the strength and courage. I was not afraid. I sat down next to a young, handsome priest and told him my sins. He did not embarrass me. He did not show me any signs of disgust. He did not tell me that I was a terrible person. But he told me, “Jesus loves you very much.” I felt like a fish that had just been thrown back into water. I was no longer afraid. I knew that I had returned to Jesus and He was with me.
 All in all, fear limits us. We might want something so much that we’re willing to put even God last to get what we want. However, I’m lucky enough to say that I found out that if I hand over the steering wheel to God and put Him before everything else, things will turn out better than we can humanly manage in the end. As I was getting ready to leave onto the Thieu Nhi bus to the airport, I thought that I would not see my boyfriend at all and I was convinced that he didn’t have the time since he lived a little over an hour away. I was disappointed but I was happy that I had sacrificed my time with my boyfriend to be at the convention instead. However, I was one of the first to leave the Pyramid after the Closing Mass and there my boyfriend was, sitting at the foot of the pillar. I had not expected him to come but he came and I believe that God arranged it for me. I was mad that the itinerary didn’t follow according plan but we have to trust that God knows how to arrange things if we just let His will be done. Don’t be afraid to make Him the priority. Even if life doesn’t go where you want it to sometimes, trust that He knows what’s best for you. He taught me this in a gentle way. God has a funny but mystifying way of going about. He’s a good driver. Don’t be afraid.